Irritated.

Ugh ok, I cannot stand his boastfulness and cockiness. I may be taking this the wrong way, but this absolutely blew the situation out of the water. I feel insulted for refusing to finish a drink! Maybe it’s just me because I don’t care to drink my entire weight or prove a point. I know my limits, so don’t effing call me out. Stupid boys man. Seriously, if you think you’re the shit, that’s one thing, but to compare yourself to a female? Yeah, I don’t think so. Please, I have much higher standards than that, and if I really wanted to finish it, I would’ve, right? Clearly that message was not apparent to you. Apparently your self-absorbness always gets the best of you, and I feel like my efforts are worth nothing. Here goes, you set off the wrong bomb. Watch me apply myself in the most sensible way with NONE of your BS. I need to remind myself of why I decided this in the beginning. It was all just a game. I have aspirations that never yielded to anything or anyone but MYSELF. Go on, do what you got to do, but do not bring me down.

End rant.

Breakfast 6/20

image

Heart Egg Toast

Made breakfast this morning, wholeheartedly.

It was a pleasant meal and paired with earl grey tea made me happy 🙂

Ultra geeking out

To pizza, chicken, beer and Game of Thrones with my honey.

Can’t get any better than this on a quiet Friday night 🙂

And then it hit me…

I want to know more about this person I can call my significant other. He’s more than just a lover and friend, he’s someone who intrigues my utmost interests and desires I have never discovered on my own before. I want to get to know every bit of experience he has had, so that I can too, empathize what he feels. My curiosity definitely got the best of me, knowing that what I don’t know is actually a blessing. His presence allows me to open myself up in ways I have never thought of before. It’s like I’m becoming a new person right before my very own eyes. I want to know more about him. But doing so in a discrete manner will only leave me with unclear assumptions, and for the most part, invented in my own mind. With him, I can see all things great and wrong. The epitome of my existence craves for constant care and attention, but that could only go to a certain extent satsifying the level of an aesthetic world. I want to achieve reaching the spiritual, by first acknowledging the universal.

And I know it is me trying to be philosophical, but having had the opportunity to learn about such things,  warrants a justified reason behind my finding out of what the meaning of life is to me.

Love is something beyond the universal, I perceive it to be a spiritual state of mind. And with this love, I am able to understand those around me with a keen eye.

Currently on my mind

The ideas of the future have been prevalent more than ever to me. I’m afraid of what it has in store, and it’s making my stomach feel ill. The things coming up for me include summer session, GRE prep, and July’s festivities,  and I anticipate on doing an internship for COPE health solutions.

All the while, I’m struggling to deal with my self-confidence and the drowning feeling of sorrow that I keep with me. It’s becoming more apparent knowing that I have a lot more to encounter very soon.

Although, something on the back of my mind tells me, things will be alright, and I just need to take it day by day, one step at a time.

I guess I realize now that it’s okay to worry, but overthink things. To each their own pace, I know I am capable of accomplishing great things. I know I will be successful as I most truly desire. Opportunity will present itself when I am ready. And then again I will rise above all issues this life has brought me as obstacles to overcome.

Baby steps – Project 21

Prepared the most delicious meal I’ve had in a long while. I’m on day 2 streak and it feels good to $ave! Project 21 in progress.

Tonight’s dinner:
-seasoned chicken w/ teryaki sauce
-lettuce & spinach salad
-topped w/ kidney beans & blueberries

🙂

Pre-premidlife crisis?!

No, it can’t be.

Why must I feel like I’m torn between choosing what I want to do most? So many aspirations, yet I can’t quite pin down one single goal. I feel like I’m floating in the area of nothingness that doesn’t pursue the goals I want to accomplish. I sit here like something is going to hit me and wake me up.

So, what is it going to be?

I may not be in the best situation as I’d hope I’d be because maybe I lost track of my ideas and having a concrete meaning to life.

I almost feel like I’ve been stuck behind a wall that no one can see (literally) and I feel a lot like I’m going through this on my own.

With that aside, however, there is still a tiny ounce of motivation lurking behind these thoughts. It’s saying, “JUST DO THE DAMN THING.”

And as I close, this is meant to be. There is no midlife crisis, it’s only the pressure you succumb to when nothing seems to go your way.

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