Honest

I found out. Disorganization is preventing me from achieving my higher sense of being. I realized today that I have so many things on my mind because of all the clutter. If I stick to my original self, living simply I have a better sense of who I am.

It’s time to clean out and organize my whole life.

Other than that, wow, I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out what I’ve really been missing.

I love to reminisce, and this keeps me sane, by remembering I do best when I’m really organized.

Need to make room for improvement, physically and mentally.

Thankful Day #6

1. Resilience
2. Interview this Saturday
3. Friends from home
4. Being able to sleep comfortably
5. Making my own food
6. Water
7. Little brothers
8. Cold showers
9. Inspirational posts
10. Having a troubled time, but being to smile behind it all

Thankful Day #6

1. Mornings

2. Eating

3. Having people smile back at me

4. Being asked to bartend

5. Accepting to bartend

6. Washing dishes keeps me relaxed

7. Water

8. Knowing that I can depend on myself

9. Knowing that this life ain’t easy.

10. Knowing that those who truly love me, love me for who I am, and believe in me.

Thankful Day #5

1. Having a REALLY good sleep, the one where you wake up with sheet marks

2. Going to campus for the first time in the longest

3. Submitting my major declaration

4. Mailing out Calfresh benefits

5. Getting errands done

6. Seeing the helper who helped me open my bank account, from teller, to actual banker

7. Boba Tea House ❤

8. He made lunch (gook-soo) and dinner (soft tacos)

9. Invite to BTH reunion

10. News that my parents decide to settle their differences & talk it out

When I said, “I’ll remember this day for the rest of my life”

There it was. The absolute moment I saw coming, but alas, taken by surprise.

They are divorcing… or so it seems.

I really don’t know how to feel about it, how I should go on about doing what I do. I have all these emotions tied up inside of me I wish I could just tell somebody how I feel.

Deep down, I don’t want them to be apart. Deep down, I want them to find true happiness.

Whatever the case is, it all comes down to this, and how I deal with the situation.

I don’t feel anything really. It’s a mixture of grief, anger, and frustration.

I don’t think they know what I feel like, or have been feeling like for the past years.. Neither will they know about how we feel like, as their children.

I don’t put faith in hope any more. To make reality happen, somethings got to give and I feel like my whole world is shattered.

I can only be strong for what I believe is right, and I can only be strong for myself and my kin.

I pray that my brothers find happiness in their lives, and I promise to make sure that they aren’t treated unfairly.

To my future self:

Do what you have to do… Don’t let anyone or anything bring you down.

Thankful Day #4

1. When he kisses me before he leaves.
2. When he makes enough breakfast for both of us.
3. Affordable premium 91 gas
4. Deciding to cut getting ready to leave for work early (somewhat)
5. Selling a premium sake bottle
6. Eating mistake sushi orders
7. Insightful conversations with strangers
8. Robin Williams’ influence of laughter. RIP.
9. The feeling of soft skin
10. My brothers.

News to my eyes and ears… and all of me!!

I was taking a sweet nap, when I decide to check my email at a whim, and there it was… the long awaited e-mail response I’ve been anticipating: RCH Clinical Care Extender Program interview!

My anxiety is UP THE ROOF, I almost cannot contain it. Although, I know I really must prepare. Like a home game, prepping and doing everything with precision and careful to details: I will succeed.

So, my journey begins with this small creak of the door. I am ready to open the door with both arms and legs, with all my might to see a new horizon.

I must plan to keep my anxiety at minimum and begin the process like a clean slate.

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