Blessed on this day of thanks 2015

I find myself thinking about the past more recently. It also doesn’t help that revisiting old stomping grounds makes these memories more distant yet attainable.

I’m sitting at the same house I was yet to move in (this time last year). Who would have known so much has changed in a single year? A lot of things have happened, and I find myself sad now because those things used to make me happy.

At the very same time, I cannot dwell on something that is out of my control. Therefore, this holiday is a reminder that I should be thankful for what is in front of me, within my own grasp.

Having a roof over my head, a car to drive me to distant places, being surrounded by great people who share the same interests, food to eat, and a warm place to sleep.. I am ever so blessed. This is manifested deeply in my core values, I shan’t let anyone take this away from me. I’m so thankful to those in my life who look out for me and I the same.

Riverside. It seems I can’t keep my distance from where a lot of history and friendships grew. Although I am not too far away, I feel like I always have a home to return to. In turn, I would love to gain back my old life once more. The opportunities are endless, I am looking forward to what is in store for me 🙂

LA. Life in Automatic. It’s quite the journey. I must admit, I am drawn to the fast-pace tendencies. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, I must learn how to breathe in between.

This holiday, I am spending Thanksgiving with my housemates Susan & Tony. I am so glad to have met these amazing individuals–for guiding me in the right direction,  lending a helping hand, offering their utmost hospitality, and being the greatest of friends. They’ve seen me through my lowest point in my life, and watched me grow. I am forever thankful to have them in my life.

Can’t wait to see what’s in store for this next year 😉

Liberty of Justice

Being in balance has always been on my agenda. Whether I like it or not, I can never fully swing one way.

So what do I do when I know something is not justified?

Who do I talk to? What are my options? How can I forget about this?

Why am I finding out that each obstacle ends up being a product of my recklessness. Obviously I’m not in the same place I was years ago, but maybe this is the karma that I owe for what has transpired. Taking everything with a grain of salt, I need to practice good manners and stop being so stubborn.

Good things have come my way, no doubt. The bad has also joined its side.

And now I question, is my sanity real? Can I just wake up from this terrible dream already? My other outlets are dwindling down, and blowing away in the wind.

I need to seriously step it up.
This isn’t the time to give up.
I have been twisted in every which way.
I am tired of it all.

How could this happen again..

Do I deserve this? Have I had it coming to me? Maybe I’m the one at fault, for doing what I do, and now I have to pay for it.

I feel violated, mistreated and disrespected. It doesn’t take much for me to fall quickly, and when I do, I fall hard. This goes for every kind of relationship that I currently have. The bonds are so thin that they could easily snap in half. I don’t have much structure within my reach. As much as I want to try to do my best, something keeps holding me back. Whatever it is, fear, cowardice, distraction, I need not let it consume me. I need to move forward and continue living for all of the things I cannot control. If there is a will, there’s a way.

Who would’ve thought I’ve been dealt with the same hand of cards as recently possible. I need this time to really figure out who I am, where I need to be, and be the best I can.

No matter which way I turn, there’s a silver lining in everything.