Don’t forget about a thing called Love.

Honey, I wanted to visit you in San Diego this past Tuesday for our 3 year, but I’ve been so caught up in trying to start my life again. I lay awake late at night to see where my mind wonders, and wondering if you’re thinking about me. This weekend Above and Beyond performed their acoustic set in CA. I wanted to go, but I wish I could have been able to take you with me. Plus, I might’ve started bawling madly when watching their performance. Anyway, I saw you twice in my dreams. You look happy, even if it’s a figment of my imagination. You’ve always been something of a miracle when I first met you. Til this day, am encaptivated by your presence, scent, and your unyielding desire to have fun. Hope I can see you soon. I should learn to keep my promises, to others, and especially myself.

Happy 3 Years Honey

My, you are looking mighty fine honey. You are still beautiful as ever. I saw you again, but I couldn’t say a word to you.. In my dreams, you are preserved and untouchable. All I want to do is hug you and embrace your warmth again. I saw you through your instagram profile. I think what made me happy was that you were showing me off, about how important I was to you. I should have shown you the affection you wanted. But at the same time, I didn’t want to fall so hard–cause I already knew I was head over heels for you. I wanted the feeling to last forever, and I suppose in the most unconventional way, this is how I’m going to feel that way.

May 24th, 2013. My first trip on the back of your bike to Corona del Mar. The one early morning I met you at your old house in Riverside, and was nervous about taking a chance with you. I walked into your open garage, and you glanced at me with a smirk, knowing that I had no idea what I was doing. You gave me gear, and made sure I was secure and ready. Fastening the straps and velcroe on the heavy leather jacket, placing the gloves securely on my hands, and teaching me how to secure the overly large sized blue AGV helmet befote our departure. You had everything prepped beforehand and I didn’t bother to ask where we were going because I wanted to keep it a surprise. As if your personality wasn’t shrouded in mystery already.

The first take off from your driveway was exhilirating. Thank you for letting me borrow headphones (of which I still have today) so that I could listen to Krewella’s Troll Mix Edition 1 and music to keep me focused whole you led us through traffic. The entire way I had kept my distance from the back because I didn’t know how to hold you. I barely placed my hands on your waist and thinking back now, that wasn’t the smartest way to ride as a passenger.

Jae, if I could see you one more time today, please visit me in my dreams. For some reason I was anxious to see you that I naturally slept in the early evening. Now that it’s 3AM in the morning, I have quite a few more hours before I wake up graciously again from the remnants of you. I miss and love you honey.

Patience. Persistence. Positivity.

Realizing that in order to get out of a slump I must work hard for what I want. These ideals are what I strive for. If I want results, the best thing to do is be persistent and not give up, no excuses. Being tired is a feeling, so I’m on the path to working hard to not feel sluggish. I know I’ll get better. I am already on my way there.

Jae, I saw you again (in my dreams)

Jae, that was you wasn’t it? I recall being first person, trying to catch your glance but you kept running to somewhere else. I felt you look at me and I wanted to say everything to you, but I was speechless. I know it was you because of your smile and your energy. From my dream, I took that you didn’t want me to compete, but instead keep going. At each station, you would always perform better than me, but you kept at a pace and made sure I finished before moving onto the next one.

Thank you Jae. I felt happy knowing it was you. Waking up feeling happy. Giving me the extra boost to stay up and not give up. Thank you. I miss you. Please visit again soon. Our 3 year is coming up.. perhaps we can meet again soon.

“I’m tired.” “So what?”

Today I woke up peacefully, no rush, no anxiety or stress about work. It felt nice having the whole day to decide what I should do. With my current roommates, the extra push is helping me get things done and be more productive than usual.

Woke up, made some food, and got some paperwork scanned so that I could throw it away. Afterwards, went to go play basketball outside. It’s been a long while since I’ve gotten the chance to really practice and focus. The one thing I learned was that I should keep being persistent regardless if I feel tired.

Then I went to the most beautiful place ever created… Costco!! Looking at all the delicious food I realized it’s time to get back on track and on the grind.

I’m almost there.. I’m going to be the best version I can be.

Some thoughts..

Sitting here in the parking lot of a 24-hour Ralph’s grocery store, I cannot help but think about what happened at work. I felt frustrated with finding out my mistakes indirectly. I didn’t mean to take it out on someone important to me, but I was so blinded by anger that I just stormed out without a word. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I can’t get my head wrapped around letting small things go. I know I was wrong and more so, I’m in the position I’m in because I put myself here. The only solution to my problems is changing how I react to a situation. I may think I know everything, but I know only the jist. It’s time that I realize what I do affects others negatively, and I can no longer front and put on a smile if it bothers me. I need to

take control of my life

. I need to do what’s best for me so that I can be the best for others. It’s time to stop being naive and act smart. There’s no room for happiness if I keep drowning myself in sorrow.

You’re Either Early Or Late

Coach always used say, “You’re either early or your late, because by the time you’re on time, you’re already late.”

First time in a while where I’ve actually had some time to myself this morning. No sense of urgency, taking my time in the aisles of the grocery store. Accomplishing things with purpose at no rush helps my mind feel more active this morning. Perhaps getting a full 8 hour sleep helped too. Today feels like it’s going to be a great day–I can feel it.

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