For the love of moto

Honey. I can hear you speaking to me. What great timing you have when it comes to reminding me of your presence. I am so blessed to have met you, and yet you constantly let me know you haven’t forgotten about me. Sitting here in front of Whole Foods, riding an electric bike for the first time, it is all much of a coincidence but clearly it is more than chance. To meet another rider who rides a Daytona 675 triple (like yours), to strike a conversation based on your passion for all things moto, to feel alive when connecting with someone new–I am forever thankful for having a part of you inside of me. It reflects how connected we are and you’re still able to reach out to me in every way. I love you honey. Thank you. 

It will rain

Winter nights. Cold air. Breath is visible. Wrapped in a blanket like a burrito.

Every. Single. Thing. Reminds me of you.

Honey, it’s almost now been a year. I find myself wishing, dreaming, and longing to be in your arms again. How we would keep each other warm. How you would turn on and off the heater for me. How we would make 2AM McDonald’s trips for large unsalted French fries. How you would stay up past bedtime because you were a night owl. How hard it was for you to get out of bed in the morning. How you would wake me with the smell of applewood bacon from the local market. You. Were. Everything. To me. 

Now, I lay alone. Thinking about you before I sleep. Wishing you would come back to me. But it hurts. Because I know you will never be here again. The cold hard truth is that you are gone. I want you to be with me so badly. I wish I could take back the things I’ve said to you and about you. It pains me so much inside because I know I’ll never ever get that chance. And I live this life, with you as a memory. A figment of my imagination. You are still the realest thing that has ever existed. You taught me how to love. You taught me patience. You pushed my buttons. And most importantly you pushed me. Pushed me to the point of turning. And I gave in. My limit was reached. Only because I was bounded to the restraints of my own mind. Here I was thinking and blaming you for my own faults. I wish I could take it all back. I love you dearly. I miss you every single day. I sing the songs we used to cherish. I hum the tunes of your ridiculous laugh and phrases. You are my everything. I’ll follow you everywhere you go, baby. Honey. If you can hear me right now, I ask that you please let me know you’re okay. That you are no longer in pain. That you are exactly where you need to be so that I can see you again. You are the love of my life and I will never let you go. Jae, I’m living for you. It has always been you. I love you.