In the Shadows (Night thoughts)

As I peer at my already dim-lit cellular, the brightness level still pierces my eyes as if a sword were cutting through my pupils..

Laying here, in my hometown, I find myself returning to a place I used to be familiar with. Memories and all of the ones who stayed here, continue to live their lives. But, as for me, I can no longer call this my home. Knowing that I’ve created a life along with loved ones who I can gratefully call my “family away from home” tug at the roots of my core existence. Although this place and people always bring me back to the familiar feelings of long lost memories, I’m not ready to stay.

It’s been rough lately, I feel like I’ve lost and regained a part of myself many times over the past month. Realizing the feeling of rejection can take a huge toll on me. Yep, that’s right–first time feeling rejected ever. My confidence dwindles as I’d rather be hibernating this season. However, a little ray of sunshine keeps me going for some reason.

I had multiple thematic lucid dreams while being here. The first of many made me feel a certain way of what could have been, questions about loyalty to a close friend, recollection of career path turmoil, and overall a tumultuous reoccurring subconscious mental cry for help. I’m not sure what to make of these dreams–but I do know this emotional drape has shrouded me in being able to pursue my passions in life. Whatever hurdle I may be going through, at the end of the day, I’m glad and fortunate to be spending this time in the best way possible. To my inner thoughts: stay strong.