The Day Begins and Ends With A Story

Dear honey,

I’m writing to you directly because you appeared vividly in my dreams recently. Your face was much more softened than ever of the times we’ve met before in my subconscious world. It was really nice seeing you again. 🙂

I’m sorry for not writing sooner and as frequently. I feel as if I’ve been retreating further into the hole I originally started digging and found myself changing directions as soon as the seasons changed.

This time around, we were holding hands as we normally would. Although, this time I felt every movement of your fingers interlaced with mines. Your grip was also tight as if you were cradling my hands in your very own. I could feel the ridges of your fingers one-by-one matching mine. I remember the many nights you and I compared our hand sizes, and we would laugh because they matched exactly (and so did our feet size!). You would chuckle at me as if it were a hoax. Deep down though, I think you and I knew we were one in the same– You also made sure I ordered some red snapper and blue tuna sashimi for some reason ^^

My memories are a bit jaded, because the times I remember you is when I actually am at peace. Like utter silence. It’s been too long since I remember having that peace and quiet in my mind and exterior as well.

I no longer pride myself as being a night owl because I hope every night I slumber, I get to see your face one more time. Especially for this time of year, I cannot resist riding down memory lane as close as possible as I can without tainting the actual memory. And so, with that, I’m ready to share that part of me as I’ve been saying for many years now.

For tonight, I want to say how happy I was to see you these past few days. The feeling of warmth, security, and love elated me even though my body went into shock. I’m not quite 100%, but knowing every night I went into a deep sleep. I’d hope to see you again. I know you’re around this time of year, honey. All I want is to continue seeing you smiling as bright as I remember you. I love you forever, and cannot wait to be with you again. ❤

Ebb & Flow, Perception.

Often times, people will compare life to the ebb & flow of a river. Perhaps a “roller coaster of life”–this was my favorite analogy to use describing the highs and lows. I can try to throw in more life phrases, but I’ll spare your hairs raising on your arms. (;

Karma: destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

When events happen as a result of causation, we attribute our good doings (or wrongdoings) to karma when the invisible hand pulls a chair from underneath you.. when you’re already sitting. How you react to the situation can set precedent for how you perceive the remainder of what happens thereafter. So you happen to have a good luck streak: you get a promotion, your assets are all in check, and the love of your life confesses wanting to take the next step of your hand in marriage. Then, you get slammed in the “blind spot” of your momentum. Your boss expresses his dislike towards your work ethic, you file for bankruptcy, and your betrothed rejects your engagement ring. “Why is this happening? It was all going so well..”

There are multiple ways to evaluate a situation and as human beings it’s easy to fall into the trap of ‘taking the easy way out’. You sulk and feel helpless by projecting your emotions in every facet of your routine. OR you can look forward to the next wave of new opportunities. Perception is a strong tool to use when you find yourself in a fork in the road. You can look at it with a grain of salt and throw some optimistic mantra to get you through the tough times. Imagine those difficult times, when feeling at your lowest point and propel you into a better vision of your future.

For me, even after singe of pain, it’s all cuts and bruises. What’s under the surface takes more time to heal. Patience works hand in hand with healing (whatever you may define it) and soon you’ll find solace even after the calm before the storm.

Fresh Slate

I’ve always been infatuated with discovering the world. My curiosity boils whenever I hear anything related to “geography”, “culture”, “history”, and “food” (of course). Only now am I realizing that I need to be putting more effort into my interests and taking lead of my own life instead of comparing it with others. I tend to daydream and events continue to speed up with each passing year.

I’m over making new year resolutions–it’s time to make resolutions on a daily basis. Stay true to my routine or develop a method to stay on track with my goals personally and professionally. It’s absolutely doable to be capable of more than just what I do daily. I believe that I’m going to be a soon-to-be jetsetter, moto enthusiast, author and successful entrepreneur with a self-sustaining business. This version of myself is the best I can be, nobody else can tell me otherwise. My self-esteem and prowess around people has grown and shown through my experiences. Being able to make the smallest tweaks and take calculated risks show my true intentions about showcasing the best of my ability.

I’ve gone far too long with being hard on myself. Am realizing that the only thing holding me back from doing all the things I’d love to do, is me. I need to embrace and celebrate my wins more, all the while being humble and not boastful. I need to celebrate the little wins because the bigger wins will come along eventually.

To my future self: Trust the process. Continue to be patient. Understand that time will run its course and so will you, wild spirit. ❤

Just Like Old Times

I recall the most I would reflect on my day would be right after school. My outlet would consist of AIM, Xanga, Myspace, Facebook (not necessarily in that order). I rEmEmBeR tAlKiNg LyK dIs. It’s amazing how much time has passed, and I no longer do any of that stuff. To freely write what was on my mind. To record my entire day, how I felt, what I ate, who I interacted with. I was so alive back then. But look at me now–I’m still alive today.

And this sudden burst of energy comes from being able to: 1) get a good night’s sleep, 2) wake up early when the sun is barely peaking out, 3) having a productive/busy day, 4) EATING every meal, 5) winding down after it all. It strikes me that I haven’t been able to have a control of this for quite some time now. Perhaps I am so accustomed to being on the go that I really did toss my routine in the back burner. With that said, I know myself a little bit more now. I can be LAZY. I can be BUSY. I am complacent. I am stimulated. I am a good person. I am a not-so-good person. My balance is all kinds of whack. The scale needs to tip a little more towards center-grounded though. So, to my future self: I’m not expecting anything more than what you can accomplish in a day. Do you. Forget what anybody else says. The only time you have is NOW–so make use of yourself, Tiff.

The day began quite early today.. Considering I woke up from my slumber around 3AM. Falling back asleep definitely put me in a groggy state, to later find myself rolling out of bed around 5AM. At the very same time, I am going to spare the details because the core of today was based on getting accustomed to the newly FT job I just acquired–YAY ME!!!

I’m getting used to the Office Life, even though I told myself I would never work in an office setting (haha.. joke’s on me). But then I began to realize that I could still have a life outside of the office (if that makes any sense..?). It’s a matter of how I make each day, and I’m enjoying it so far because I know what I’m capable of and I only wish to be better. Not for anyone around me, but just improve myself. To be positive (+), bold,CONFIDENT, and determined to accomplish great things for my future. Perhaps my role at my current job will teach me how to not organize the company’s assets, but mine as well. It’s time to utilize the tools I have around me and stop being stuck in the past.

I have one goal to accomplish this year, and that’s to stick to my word and FOLLOW-THROUGH.

That’s all I have for today. I realize I wish I could just write in my journal every time I have a thought but I’ll just have to do so when I have time. Or store that somewhere in my brain 🙂